Wednesday, April 9, 2008
the day was bad. work today was alright thou, managable. but i felt really upset, very down.

i received a bad news from one of my colleagues early @ work this morning. He passed away. my brain stopped working that very split second. the very first question came to my mind - Why?! Why him? It's not within expectation! it's Too sudden! It's totally unbelievable :'( I almost broke down. couldnt control my tears.

i have not been nursing him for this round of his chemotherapy. He was post chemo, waiting for his blood counts to recover. unfortunately he spiked a temperature, a fever, a bad infection. his temperature did not subside even after anitibiotics treatment. 2 days ago, he desaturated ( oxygen level in his blood is lower than 95%), was then sent to ICU. He passed away this morning in ICU. Cause Of Death(COD) - most probably neutropenic sepsis (bad infection invades body when total white cells counts, immunity, is very low).

He was one of the many "regular" patients who admit in and out of the ward for scheduled chemotherapy rounds. Because of that, he is more like a friend than a patient to me. We joked, we talked, we greeted each other. I remembered the session when i taught him & and sister the hickman's line dressing, flushing & stuffs, he totally got all his confident in me, helping me to calm down his anxious sister who was afraid to do the dressing.
5th April 2008 - that was the last time i saw him in the ward. i was doing morning shift that very day, and it was about 3.15pm when i was about to leave the ward for home. He pressed the call bell. The staffs who were taking care of him for the shift were busy, so i helped to attend to the call bell. He was shivering, having chills & rigor, a really bad one. the whole bed was practically shaking. His face was very pale. I gave him IV benedryl, offered him more blankets, & warm water. before i left @ 3.40pm, i went to take a look at him agn. he wasnt shivering anymore and he looked alot better, wasnt as pale as before. That was the very last time i saw him.
I was really glad i attended to his call bell. i just regretted not staying longer to have a talk with him. i really regretted alot! ='(
he once wrote a compliment in the feedback form about me, saying i was caring n sumthing (cannot remember). i'll keep that compliment in my front memory! He is really a nice, kind man!

Mr H. , I will never forget you! you are Dearly missed! entered at 11:21 PM

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